The gift of memory is an awful curse.

Monday, December 26, 2011

"... I will only eat leaves picked by virgins in the moonlight."


Steve Jobs
Unhappy.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

how does one balance things in their mind,
how does one separate things,
stop things conflicting,
worrying,
wondering,
hating,
missing,

how does one simply stop thinking,
switch it off, switch it all off,

how?

Monday, October 31, 2011

So i've gotten to this point of my degree...

And so what?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Yearning for a world that I am not a part of.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Fuck all of you who sleep easy.
Fuck all of you who have a somewhere or someone to run to.
Fuck all of you whose efforts pay off.
Fuck all of you whom things just happen for, effort free.

Don't take it personally,
I'm just jealous.

So fuck you all.
Unhappy.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Friday, October 7, 2011

The more you try to erase me
The more, the more
The more that I appear
Oh the more, the more
The more you try the eraser
The more, the more
The more that you appear


- The Eraser - Thom Yorke 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs (1955-2011).

Thank you for Disney Pixar movies,
thank you for Apple.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Monday, October 3, 2011

Sunday, October 2, 2011

For the first time, in a long time, i'm on realestate.com

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Monday, September 19, 2011

Fucking hate uni.
Though what I really want is to vent,
Its difficult to speak about it,
A single sentence, a few words,
can cause you even more loneliness.
trusting, letting people in
only to find you've somehow push them away.


Its a struggle.


And in trying to hide it.
fighting it off,
finding that  balance, 
or even having the ability to balance things out


I'm struggling.


They're all better than you at this,
they can forget you exist.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Happiness. 
"Happiness" is a word for a feeling.
Feelings are rarely understood in the moment. 

They are quickly forgotten, and almost always mis-remembered. 
 And besides, feelings are totally full of shit.
[Henry Carter]

-Shrink (2009)

Monday, September 12, 2011

I was looking for some costume ideas for a Disney themed 21st thats coming up, and I came across a quiz, i did it and this was the result:



Which Disney character are you?Aladdin
You dream of a life with a beautiful princess, and have the courage to risk it all for that one special magic carpet ride.
Personality Test Results
Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Friday, September 2, 2011

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Emotions run deep within our race. In many ways more deeply than in humans. Logic offers a serenity humans seldom experience... the control of feelings, so that they do not control you." [Spock's father, Sarek.]


- Startrek (2009)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

At the most fundamental level,
a fight to matter.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

"This is the story of the first and last time I ever fell in love. With the beautiful, complicated, fascinating, woman who inhabits my soul . . .  if we never see each other again, and you are out walking one day, and you feel a certain presence beside you, that will be me, loving you, where ever I am."

Monday, August 22, 2011

Saturday, August 20, 2011

"Destiny is the bridge you build to the one you love."

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Friday, August 12, 2011

"Young and stupid, left wide open. Hearts are wasted, lives are broken"

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Its like I cannot speak.
No one wants to hear how I truly feel.


The world despises lying, but people also don't want the truth.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Fucking fuck fucking fucker fuck face fucking fuck fucker fuck fuck fuck fuck fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:(  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Fuck this, fuck everything, fuck it all. fuckity fuck fuck.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Lying and hiding.
To and from everyone, and myself.

It doesn't work.
It fixes nothing.
Gets me nowhere.
If anything I just worsen.

But its all i've got.
And thats not good.
Its not good at all.

Monday, July 25, 2011

In a week, I start my spring semester of my 3rd year.
Not much else happening really.

I made another purchase on ASOS yesterday, I guess thats something?
And my ASOS Crombie coat arrived last thursday.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Goddamn sleeping pill, hurry the fuck up and kick-in already!!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

I watched the film just a few hours ago (before even finishing re-watching all the other films), the last Harry Potter film.
I loved it.
Especially the build- up to the attack, the defence preparation, and the death of Voldemort (slowly disintegrating into ash) was cooooooooool.


I do feel strange now that its over.
The last Harry Potter film... cannot grasp it




and in the book... chapter 33, "The Prince's Tale"... best!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire

For me, it was all about Hermione at the Yule Ball (in the film). I was amazed, absolutely amazed.


<3


Also, the book was probably the first really lengthy ( I considered it lengthy) novel I ever read.

from LOOKBOOK.nu


from LOOKBOOK.nu


Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban

This was the first HP book I read. My parents got it for me when i was in year 3 or 4? We had no idea it was the third book of a series. Either way, I read it, it took me a looooong time, but I read it and I liked it.

I wasn't much of a reader at all at the time. I thought that because only the really smart people read books, that books were like goody-good. Then I came across the word "bitch" and i was like "Wow, what!!"

In terms of the film, it was because of this film, that I developed a crush on Hermione, a crush, that to this day still endures *sigh*. Haha

Hermione <3 !!

Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets

This has to be one of my more favourite of the saga, a dive deeper into the HP world. The rivalry between Draco and Harry, I found interesting... the seeker vs. seeker and especially the duelling scene, short but sweet.

Furthermore, I had the video game on PS2, and yep, kinda really liked it.
Can't remember when exactly I read this book (if right after the first film came out OR after watching the third film). 

Harry Potter & the Philosopher's Stone

Read this book the same year that the film was released. I was in year 5 at the time, and we read the book as a class. When the film released, my grade went on an excursion to the cinemas to watch it. But I had watched it earlier with my father haha.

I really liked it, the whole Diagon Alley scene was just mind blowing.
"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something". [Graham]

- Crash (2004)

Monday, July 11, 2011

Tonight I begin my Harry Potter marathon!
And in the face of certain death,
it was my hand you chose to hold.

... well that was the dream anyway.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

That "mirror of erised" from Harry Potter...
I wonder what i'd see in it.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Again, and again
and again,

memories
wishes
regrets
longing
effort
rejection
meaning
meaningless
real
surreal
hate
love

Cracks appear in the concrete,
an urge to scream.

The dam breaks,
tears on your pillow.
Unhappy.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Can't sleep, clown will eat me.

I'm here struggling to fall asleep, as per usual. And all i'm thinking is:

The recommened length of time for sleep is 8 hours a day.
A day is 24 hours.
8/24 is 1/3.
Therefore we supposedly spend a third of our day sleeping.
Thus a third of our lifetime...sleeping
A third of our lifetime.
A fucking third of our lifetime.

Perhaps this is something you've never really considered.
Perhaps now you're thinking 'fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck'

Too bad we have no choice.
Too bad sleep is an absolute requirement.
Oh the things we could achieve in that time...
20 of 60 years.
30 of 90 years
24.666667 of 74 years, and so on.

On the other hand...

Dreams can be amazing.
Sometimes torturous, but none the less, amazing.
Dreams can even be someone's everything.

Well, nighy night world.

Monday, July 4, 2011

I'm going to see the sun come up soon again.
still trying to sleep, again.
Eyes are probably red from tiredness, again.

On here, fucking blogging, at this time, to no one, again.
Tell me theres a reason for all this, or tell me that this is it, for everyday from now on.
Tell me, so I can continue, or so I can just stop.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Friday, July 1, 2011

When sleeping at night is consistently one of the most difficult parts of your day, you know you're a mess.
And the longer it goes on, the more the world moves without you, futher and futher ahead.
You, in an even darker part of your corner.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I'm scared of driving. Not of the risk with physical pain or death from crashes, but because of the financial risks. Insurance, repairs etc.

Or maybe its that i've never exactly been comfortable whilst driving, always being worried about something, because the cars i drive are owned by my parents. Theres that increased responsibility because theres no ownership.

Even when I had and drove my own car... Yes, I paid for it so there was the sense of ownership, but even then the car's condition was a major worry, and because of this i couldn't really drive to many places, simply because it would be way too risky.

Perhaps I shouldn't aspire to own a sexy car in the future, but rather, a shitty looking, 'bulletproof' car with huge bull-bars on the back and front. Somthing <$500:

Then, if I do happen to crash it, I just rip off the plates, scratch out the VIN number, and run for the fucking border.  Change my name to something along the lines of Alfonzo Suarez, or Jack something, and let my facial hair grow out, wear nothing but hawaiian shirts and cargo pants, and run a hotdog stand.

Done.

Monday, June 27, 2011

from deviantART

An awesome smile.
Made me smile.


[ Your Smile by fhrankee ]

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

So, you're bored.
Your mindset is "fuck studying"
you get a text message...
"hey, want to chill tonight?"

Just over an hour later you arrive at Star City casino.
Next thing you know you're eating a steak sandwich from "Fuel"

Your friend wants to gamble.
You find yourself at the roulette tables
Your friend ends up winning a few hundred.

It's 3am,
You're at The Cross,
Its friday morning
You walk around for a bit, exploring back-streets

You end up purchasing Marlboro Golds
You aren't even a smoker

2 cigarettes in, some drunk stranger named Brodie approaches you
Stranger says hi
You say hi
The stranger's been shopping
They show you what they've purchase

A shirt with some half-naked asian model on the front
and New Balance sneakers
"oh... cool"
Stranger pulls out some tobacco and skins
tries to roll a smoke, fails, and just throws it into their shopping bag

You hand the stranger the remaining half of your cigarette
The stranger continues to talk senselessly
You go with it

The stranger pulls out  a camera and decides they want take a photo of you
Nothing you can do, so you end up on some drunk stranger's camera
You find the situation familiar, Yes, yes i have seen this. Its like The Hangover.

You get curious about the camera and ask to see the other photos on there
They're quite funny,
This stranger has indeed just come from some launch event for a retail store.
You say "well you better head home now"
the stranger says bye, and heads off

You look to your friend
You're both thinking "fuck, when that stranger wakes up tomorrow..."
laugh-out-loud.

You end up at McDonalds at The Cross,
You wonder what these people are out at this time for (4am-ish).
probably the same reason why you're there.

You head back to the car,
and back home,
back to the reason why you left in the first place.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

For who could ever learn to love... a Beast?

"She glanced this way
I thought I saw
And when we touched she didn't shudder at my paw
No it can't be, I'll just ignore
But then she's never looked at me that way before.."



"Something there" - Beauty & the Beast Soundtrack (1991)
I can confirm that a side-effect of sleeping pills on me is more vivid, visally clear dreams.
Definitely mind-blowing... 
and dangerously intriguing. 


Monday, June 20, 2011

In a bit over 12hrs, I say farewell to a car that my family has owned since 2002.

crazy.

from deviantART

Crappy day.
But this made me smile...


l.c 2 by zzaharel ]

Monday, June 13, 2011

Dear _ _ _ _ _, Dear _ _ _ _ _ _ _,


_  _ _ _ _  _ _ _,
Every day.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Words I never said.

We attended the same event,
a long while since we last saw each other,
we barely even said hi,
we did what we had to do,
we were both at the after party,
drinking with everyone else,
Our past unknown to all else but us,
I took a chance,
said I missed you,
even kissed your cheek,
everyone fell asleep,
everyone but me,
I sat out in the cold,
in the silence,
when morning came I saw everyone awake one by one,
you woke up after a night of drinking and barely any sleep,
you still looked amazing, as always,

We didn't speak,
I don't know if you were looking at me when I wasn't looking at you,
I don't know what was going on in your mind,
if anything about us at all.

you had to go to work,
you left,
I watched,

I said I love you,
but not out loud.

then you were gone.
I don't want to,
but I can't help it,


...I'm pushing the world away.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Yesterday I bought Black Swan on blu-ray. 
Yummy.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I need you so much closerrrrrrr...
un-fuckin'-happy.
I guess its like already being thrown to the ground by many, everyday things... Then being kicked several times...then having your wallet stolen.

Yep, something like that.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Little did I know . . .


. . .


. . . fuck the world.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

fave song from Disney's Aladdin.

Riff-raff, street rat.
I don't buy that.
If only they'd
Look closerrrrrr.

Would they
See a poor boy?
No sireeeeeeeee.
They'd find ooooout
There's soooo much
More tooooo meeeeeeee.

... But that first cut is the deepest.

When I finish this... Whats next?
The same feelings?
Just a different environment?
Just a different age?
A new place?
A different occupation?
New friends I can't talk to?
New people to lie to?
A new bed to lay sleepless in?
New girls? New meaningless relationships?
More nameless sex?
More comparing?
More disappointment in realisations?
More finding that 'she' is no you?
More being lost?


The same feelings.
The same tears.
The same dreams.

How do you prepare for such a future. how do you cope with such a present.
Is there reason? Purpose? Meaning? Matter?... A resolution?... A happy ending?

Or is that reality too far gone?
Youth in Revolt,


love it.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I've been trying so hard these past few weeks. Trying not to say your name out loud, hoping that by avoiding to do so, things would somehow be easier, somehow make things change. Weeks of silence now.

It now seems that the reason why i've been able to avoid for this long, is because i o longer have anyone to really talk to about you.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Every fuckin' day.

Perhaps this is just how it is now...
forever, maybe?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Just finish my marketing communications plan for advertising...


47 pages all up.


ahh the relief :)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The last time my phone was of the Nokia brand, it was 2006 (7250i)... so, thats 5 years ago?


This morning, at about 1:30am I purchased a Nokia.


I have grown tired of this LG Viewty, never loved it, but its done me well.


In the next few days its back to Nokia, and I hope it goes well.




EXTRA NOTES


My mobile phone history:


-Nokia 5110
-Motorola T190
-Nokia 8250*
-Nokia 7250i
-Sony Ericsson K610i
-LG Viewty


*One of the best phones ever made! the design was amazing.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

You are the one that will break me,
but you are the one who could save me.


Headrush - Hannah Trigwell

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Snooooooooooo-ooooop!

Just a few hours ago, I saw Snoop Dogg live.
T'was an amazing experience.


(and I did it right. I was smoking while he was performing 'Beautiful'. I'm no smoker, I just had to, to somewhat enhance/complete the experience.)


:)

Monday, April 4, 2011

We met it seems,
Such a short time ago,
You looked at me,
Needing me so,
Yet from your saddness,
Our happieness grew,
And I found out,
I needed you too,
I remember,
How we used to play,
I recall,
Those rainy days,
The fire's glow,
That kept us warm,
And now I find,
We're both alone,
Goodbye may seem forever,
Farewell is like the end,
But in my heart's the memories,
And there,
You'll always be.


- Disney's: The Fox and the Hound (1981).

from deviantART

My Twilight crush: Alice Cullen


[ Alice Cullen by alicexz ]

Friday, April 1, 2011

Flow sweetly, Hang heavy,
You suddenly complete me,
You suddenly complete me.




Hysteric - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Monday, March 28, 2011

Eyes open up,
the few moments it takes to come back to reality,
the realisation,
you're back "there",
the disappointment,
you shut your eyes, 
you sigh,
and accept what it only was...


the feeling of absolute hate...


hate that you had to wake up at all.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I'm seeing Usher tomorrow at Acer Arena,
quite excited indeed :)



Monday, March 21, 2011

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I think that perhaps my "biggest want" is for my dreams to become reality. 
And I don't mean my aspirations.

Monday, March 14, 2011

from deviantART

So, 3 weeks in and Uni is starting to get to me... over-thinking...stressing etc


but this sure made me smile :) ...

[ i.st 8 by zzaharel ]

Saturday, March 12, 2011

You're only as healthy as you feel.


-Taxi Driver [1976]

Friday, March 11, 2011

mask.

Me at a friend's house warming party, I loved that mask.

Trial contact lenses.

Though the poking of eyes several times to correctly place the contact lenses was uncomfortable, and so too the inevitable headache... being able to see clearly, without glasses was just amazing. Strange, very strange, but amazing.

Not to mention driving (confidently) for the first time without glasses, that was an experience.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

from deviantART

Mmmmmm

[ snow serenity by Krapivka2007 ]

Today (9/3/2011)

I bought the Bro Code.

I bought a stethoscope.

I saw and walked past you.
Last night's dream... holy fuck.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Nights dreaming the impossible.
Days dwelling on dreams.

Friday, March 4, 2011

The optometrist says my eyes are getting worse,
awesome.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Ellipsis

An opportunity offered to take complete control. 
to continue, to end, or otherwise


a future decided by a digital reply?
a handwritten letter?
through a third party?
a face-to-face confrontation?
or a simple wave goodbye?


...or my dreams becoming reality?


I'll admit i'm not done,
but, are you?

Monday, February 28, 2011

Today was interesting...
- an easy first tutorial for communications law & ethics
- free hotdogs
- temporary, spray on tattoos
- a whole lot of free shit

(my spray on tatt - black rose)

...I wish every uni day was as such.
Today I begin my 3rd year of uni.
Uni reminds me of my loss... my losing of you.

Goddamn it I miss you.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Now that this is done, I don't know when or if I'll ever see you again...
and that scares me.


I don't like leaving this up to time.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Never would've predicted that?!
like, fuck.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Architecture In Helsinki - The Owls Go




(Four, three, two, one)


Don't hide the treasures you've found in a hole in the ground
How 'bout the tree back your house where the owls go
Or in between the attic and the basement
Somewhere it's not dark, dark, dark, dark


Attic in a basement with a knife serrated, I'll protect you
Attic in a basement with a knife serrated, I'll protect you
Don't hide the pleasures you've found in your rolling around
Where all the leaves have been swept and the flowers grow
And don't go finding a replacement,
I promise I'll show you heart, heart, heart, heart


Finding a replacement with a heart sedated, I'll forget you
Finding a replacement with a heart sedated, I'll forget you

Finding a replacement with a heart sedated, I'll forget you
Finding a replacement with a heart sedated, I'll forget you

And you won't make a sound or be nervous around piles of pictures
So old that that it feels like it is ending


(Four, three, two, one)


Attic in a basement with a knife serrated, I'll protect you
Attic in a basement with a knife serrated, I'll protect you


And you shout out loud
And you're bursting with pride
'Cause they don't let you talk
And your heart is finally mending


It's not too late now to change your mind
The grass gets greener when you get to the finish line


An attic in a basement
Attic in a basement
Attic in a basement
Attic in a basement
Attic in a basement
Attic in a basement


And you won't make a sound or be nervous around piles of pictures
So old that it feels like it is ending
It shouldn't feel like it is ending

Pursuing the fabled 'happiness'.

How deep down would you dig for the truth?


If you knew exactly what to ask, would you?


and if the absolute truth was presented to you...would you take it?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I just can't explain this shit at all,
I believe in people like you.

Star Light Star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.


...

I wish I was amazing.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Fuck, I don't even know what to say anymore.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I was so prepared to see you today...


[sigh]

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Monday, February 7, 2011

Pearl Harbor - Brothers

One of my most favourite songs...
"Brothers" composed by Hans Zimmer, its the main score for Pearl Harbor.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Thank the heavens for video games and sleeping pills.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

from deviantART

mmm i'm no fan of summer...
i'm all for the wool-blend coats.


[ WINTER by kanaLISAtion ]

Friday, January 28, 2011

Holds me back because it mattered,
keeps me going because it still does.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Journal Entry - 25/1/11, 2:31am

I lay in bed, staring deep into darkness. In my head I create a scene of you and I...


We are at a lodge/house in some amazing alpine environment. Its night, its freezing, snowing.


We are sitting on either sides of quite a long, and large couch, a fire alight in front of us, our source of warmth and light.


I see you, curled up, comfortable, wearing a beanie, and a thick robe, with nothing but Bonds-Kaleidoscope underwear underneath. You're holding your mug of hot chocolate, with two hands.


You look to the window, past your own reflection, you look deeper, and you see the flakes of snow falling. Its only snowing lightly, you gaze at the beauty of it.


You turn your attention to the fireplace, the flames, the burning wood. You can hear the crackling, again, you stare, taking in the beauty of it.


You turn to me, you realise i've been watching. Your stare, amazing. You smile...that smile I love.


I smile in the imaginative scene.


I smile in real life, as I stare into the darkness.


I cry.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Crystal Castles!!!

Yessss!!!!


I'm seeing Crystal Castles this Tuesday (January 25th, 2011). It will be an amazing show.



"In memory of what we used to call in love"


Fell In Love Without You by Motion City Soundtrack

'Unread'

You've stopped reading them...
So now, its like theres no one there.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Yes, lets "waste" time wondering what if
Lets dream of what was and what could've been. 
Lets look back at the past, and refuse to step forward.
Lets live in the dream we created, the one only accessible now through sleep and medical diagnosis of mental illness.
Why? simply because its better there, and better is always good.
Mood: Shit.


"But I know its too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay..."


A Lack of Color by Death Cab For Cutie

from deviantART

Amazing.

[ Smoking is sexy by tayler-aleks ]

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

It felt real, it felt right.
It was absolutely everything.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Starving!

I feel like having 10 or 15 croissants right now, goddamn.

Culture Club - I'll Tumble 4 Ya

4 Strings - Take Me Away

hahaha heck yes!!


Its always me just going quiet. Then I realise everyone else around me smiling, laughing, then I see myself in third person, sitting there, absolutely still, my eyes looking into nothingness, while everything else is in motion. I'm thrown back to first person, and I just don't know what to do.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

"Make a wish Harry..."

"Even the most ordinary objects have an extraordinary story to tell."


- How do they do it?, on: Discovery Science.

from Photo Travel

So i've been playing Gran Turismo 5 quite a bit... this is my Dodge Viper SRT10 ACR '08, not my favourite car, but it definitely looks hot in this photo. (on my deviantART page)

Click the image for a larger version.



[ Viper SRT10 ACR '08 by: Francis1201 ]
Link: http://fav.me/d36xicj

XX

XX


hmmmm

Monday, January 10, 2011

Less than 48hrs to go

Perhaps this time i'll wish for something more realistic than happiness.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Candace Bailey

The new co-host for Attack of the Show (on G4TV)...


Sweet!!!




Friday, January 7, 2011

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Monday, January 3, 2011

from deviantART

Just, so...coooool.

[ The light that destroyed us. by CheyennexSmiles ]