The Golf Life

I reeeeeeaally miss my car.
This is off my deviantART page...

[ the Golf life by francis1201 ]

Link: http://fav.me/d319gaw

New Year...

Fuck off.

Big Fish (2003)

"We were like strangers who knew each other very well."


"They say, when you meet the love of your life, time stops...and thats true."

::MADE:: IN:: HEIGHTS:: Skylark Interabang?!

Ridiculously amazing.

Journal Entry - 27/12/10, 4:45am

I wonder when or even if the effort I put into relationships, friendships, uni and work will ever matter. I'm struggling to think of a valid reason as to why I bother to reach anymore, why I put up with the pain, why I hope. I'm stuck, stuck now in a life of only dreaming, a life of "what ifs", and "should haves" and "would haves". I'm left frozen, forgettable and forgotten, when the rest of the world moves...and I really don't know how to catch up.

I

haha umm, this is me at a friend's birthday party and ummm...well, my facial expression here LOL, just had to share it with the world.

deviantART crush?? yes!

Yes indeed!! :)

With oh so much adoration.(except of course, she has no idea who I am :( )

[ Time means nothing by electric-kandyy ]

Link: http://fav.me/d1r293s

[ home once more by elektrikk-kandy ]

Link: http://fav.me/d1r244n

[ up top by electrikk-kandy ]

Link: http://fav.me/d1r22lh

I want:

to feel comfortable,
to fit in,
to be amazing,
to matter.

Trainspotting (1996)

"and just for a moment it felt really great, like we were all in it together, like friends, like it meant something" - Renton

from deviantART

Lips... yum.

[ Razorblade kisses by AmandaXxXPanda ]

Link: http://fav.me/d35nqz1

TopGear Day

Its boxing day, and theres a TopGear marathon on BBC Knowledge.


I am loving it.

:(

"I need you so much closer..."


-Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie

Xmas Eve 2010

My family celebrates Christmas eve, and on christmas day we don't usually do anything...

Anyway, my most interesting gift this year was a Legacy Collection, Darth Vader Lightsaber.


VVVVvvvvvvZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

goddamn awesome!

 Though the packaging of mine was slightly different, this is essentially what I got :)

from deviantART

[ We know we'll never solve by SpinnyBaby ]

Link: http://fav.me/d33hjv7

from deviantART

This is great!

[ Hey You by meppol ]

Link: http://fav.me/d3421yl

So. . .

Tomorrow its Christmas eve. I'm not ready for it, especially not a new year. 

Things are still... very much unresolved.

Melanie Iglesias

Yay!! :)

http://vimeo.com/11931602

Saosin - Seven Years Acoustic

pp109.

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane." [Pudge]


-Looking for Alaska by John Green

from deviantART

Just awesome 

[ alice by `nikosalpha ]

Link: http://fav.me/d2td5cj

Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings.

The "one ring" from LOTR is totally a horcrux!!

from deviantART

I absolutely adore this :)

[ I fell in love with a ghost... by quesuu ]

Link: http://fav.me/d327lsm

from deviantART

love this...

[ Mirror Image by feline643 ]

Link: http://fav.me/d2et4hh

and this...

[ W. by quwsuu]
Link:  http://fav.me/d31x739

My, precioussssssss

"It came to me, my own, my love... my... preciousssss" - Gollum 

Drake - Best I Ever Had (Parody)

" I was on Degrassi, hottest wheelchair performance"

"I need monehhh"

haha

The Legend of Sigurd & Gunrún

So now i'm reading some J.R.R Tolkien poetry? ahh yeah...


ummm, heres the book cover...

I'm not sure what to say about it at the moment.


The Hobbit was a great book though haha, and i'll read Lord of the Rings one day.

Transparent fortress of solitude

Controlled by fears,
continuously questioned,
watched,
monitored,
an apparent lack of choice,
forced to be dependent,
forced to be obedient. 
perpetually worried,
overly contemplative,
uncomfortable,
unhappy,
concealing brokenness,
  
Driven into silence,
hiding all truths.




...for lack of a better word, trapped.

Arctic Monkeys - When The Sun Goes Down

Pharrell-Frontin

Snoop Dogg Featuring Pharrell - Beautiful ft. Pharrell

The Other Guys.

Best lines from this film (in my opinion) are:




"You shut your face!" - P.K Highsmith (Played by Samuel L Jackson)


"The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine..." - Terry Hoitz (Played by Mark Wahlberg)


"I hope you like jail food...and penis!" - Fosse (Played by Damon Wayans Jr.)

Apparently its Christmas in a week...

geeeeez.

Wax and Wire - Loch Lomond

I'm not sure how to link just audio files, so I just added this video (hardly) off youtube

Need for 'newity'

I crave newity (if such a word, or perhaps 'newness', although 'newity' sounds better), change, just new, different, unfamiliar. A new place, a new world, to start a new story.


Like moving out, or even as drastic as moving countries... to say, Paris? Montreal? or New York City?


I want it, goddamn crave it, possibly even need it.

Dear _ _ _ _ _ _ _,

miss you, everyday.

Looking for Alaska.

I just finished reading Looking for Alaska. It was beautiful.

pp181.

" That was the first time I had seen her and now we were coming to the last. More than anything, I felt the unfairness of it, the inarguable injustice of loving someone who might have loved you back but can't due to deadness, and then I leaned forward, my forehead against the back of Takumi's headrest, and I cried, whimpering, and I didn't even feel sadness so much as pain. It hurt, and that is not a euphemism. It hurt like a beating. " [Pudge]

-Looking for Alaska by John Green.

2nd favourite book.

Ok, so I've just reached the "part two" of this book (pp165.) and I am damn sure that this is my 2nd favourite book of ALL time! (with The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger being 1st, of course)


Absolutely love it!

Blurb: When Miles Halter leaves for boarding school, he goes to seek what dying poet Rabelais called the "Great Perhaps". Much awaits Miles at Culver Creek, including Alaska Young. Clever, funny, self-destructive and dead sexy, Alaska pulls Miles into her labyrinth, catapulting him into an unimaginable future...

pp123.

"I finally decided that people believed in an afterlife because they couldn't bear not to." [Pudge]


-Looking for Alaska by John Green

pp121.

"French, Feel, Finger, Fuck." [Alaska]


-Looking for Alaska by John Green

Deftones - Sextape (HD Official)

If you watch this, do yourself a favour and view it in 720p or 1080p.


Amazing.

pp57.

"Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die" [Alaska]

- Looking for Alaska by John Green

Crush.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Lawrence Leung's Choose Your Own Adven...: Find Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atpRc3Co03g&list=SL



Haha!!

Lawrence Leung's Choose Your Own Adventure: Be A Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QozBzJehc3w&list=SL&has_verified=1


Love this show.

hmm.

I haven't smiled (genuinely) in days . . .

Spring Sem 2010 results...

So I got my uni results back for the spring semester, they aren't amazing, but result-wise, its been my best semester yet . . .

• 1 Distinction
• 2 Credits
• 1 Pass

It just ridiculously annoying that for both my credits i'm 2 or 3 marks off a distinction, but I guess thats just how it is.

One more year to go . . .

Me.

I am writing this now under the influence of sleeping pills, it is now 7 something am, and I haven't yet slept. Though I took these tablets a few hours ago, I am still feeling the effects, for instance, I cant even walk properly, like I'm tipsy, but my head is light rather than heavy.


Despite this, my thoughts are clear, especially in this absolute silence. I'm finding it impossible to escape. There are times when things are definitely easier to deal with, but either way the pain and inner conflict remains. I never wanted to dive into my inner truths through this blog of mine, but right now its my only means of venting.


I turned to this blog in an attempt to get  back into the norms of today's social scene, as for almost 2 years now, I've been avoiding so. In truth there are only 2 people or maybe even 1 person who I feel would be effective to talk to, but neither will speak to me, either because they don't want to or simply can't. I miss so much.


My downfall began when I started uni, and since then I think its just gotten worse, gradually. I lost and lost and lost. I tried and tried and tried, and just lost more and more. I turned to silence, to solitude, to lying even, in order to maintain what little I seemed to have left.


I've purposefully drowned my self with uni work, to distract me, I've splurged money on purchases to keep me occupied. I searched and searched for employment after the end my last Christmas casual position (a year ago), but as it turns out, no one wants to employ a student who is 2 years into a business degree. And as you can imagine, this makes me feel like everything I've done and worked for over these past 2 years means shit all. My personality, my knowledge and my people skills that I know I posses... my everything is really nothing at all, worthless.


The people I've lost, I know are all one-of-a-kinds. The regret and self hate is indescribable.


I have only myself to blame, that's for certain, its just, I only ever recall being honest, being me, being myself, so what more was/am I to do? What more am i supposed to give?


I have few friends, but I know these few friends love me as I love them.


I know I have a great, loving family, who would do anything for me.


But there is this undeniable discontent that I feel, mainly self discontent.


I don't feel "worth it".


I feel invisible.


I feel a fool.


A loser.




  

pp22.

"How pathetic it is to describe these things which can't truly be described" [Louis]

- Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice.

Blonde Redhead - Here Sometimes (4AD Session)

From Myspace blog (20 Jan 2010)

fluoxetine substitutes.

With out adequate means of distraction, one would be an absolute wreck. These short bursts of happiness can come at a monetary cost, for example; living in a virtual world with the purchase of a PS3 or similar. More than half a grand disposed of, and it can fail to distract after a week (yes, even CODMW2)

One can find that purchases in general can act as an escape . . . clothes, dvds, books and many miscellaneous goods. but all at a cost. In relation to this, theres the need for employment, I find that work is definitely a good distraction at times, especially in my current employment industry, where you can pretty much be who ever the hell you want to be. But even here its gotten to me.

Going out and chilling is an effective distraction. . .The Abercrombie, Candy's, ....World Bar.. ..etc...., but even there it can get to you. You're with your best-of-best, but inside its all incomplete. The music, the people, and at times the fashion . . . those factors can bring it alllll back. You naturally compare, and its back, and you miss, you long, you suffer.

Sometimes you realise that even your closest of close cannot distract you. You shut them out. You shut everyone out. You stay silent. You attempt to control. You need to lie. You can't lie. Its heavy. You run, its almost midnight but you grab your keys, get into your car and just drive. It calms you, until its hits you that you have no where to run, no real escape, it hurts. You turn around, you go back.

Nothing is new, it still hurts, you cry.

From Myspace blog (5 Apr 2010)

Dear Friend,

Current mood:crushed

I'm so scared to try.

So scared to form new friendships.

Unable to run from my past.

I put so much effort into grasping solid friendships.

I put so much effort into holding on.

Then somehow, it all turned liquid. 

Everything slipping through my once so sure fingers.

Some unexpectedly, others, i had no choice but to watch slip away. no matter what, i couldn't change any of it.

Solid, to liquid, to nothing.

only a memory, haunting, so clear.

do what?

run where?

scream what?

fix? how?

I miss you.

I miss you.

From Myspace blog (20 Jul 2010)

Temaze 10mg


" I didn't want to see the stars. I couldn't bear their beauty and their numbers. I wanted only the lonely, airless moon. Finally, Lindy's light went out. I waited until I knew she slept. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to sleep by her side. I couldn't bear to imagine that anymore. I tore my eyes from the window and found the moon behind a tree. I crouched, threw back my head, and howled at it, howled like the beast I was, the beast i'd always be. "

ehh

Slept from 7am to 5pm today.

Fuck!

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps

One of the best songs ever!

Karen O is just amazing.

Goddamn Ticketek!

So friday night (Dec 3), I tagged along to a mate's Dj gig, and got home 6am (Dec 4). Days earlier I received an email from ticketek telling me to pick up my tickets for a concert on the following monday. This email told me that the box offices in the City and Wollongong would be open on saturday...


7:30am (Dec 4) I drove down to Wollongong for the box office's apparent opening at 9am. I got there at 8:50. 9am struck, and nothing...10am, nothing...10:30, a staff member opened one of the entertainment centre doors, and asked me what i wanted, I explained my situation. They couldn't help me. They told me it would open at 4pm? I left.


Damn them!


So yeah, not fun.


I'll watch Vampire Diaries now...


eh ciao  

oh darkness.

I slept from 6am to 4:40pm, what a day.

Fuck.

Hermioneee

God yes!

Drake - Forever (Live at Axe Lounge)

Love the "Yeeeeeuuuhhh!!" at the end haha

Best I Ever Had - Drake (uke cover)

Yeah I just HAD to have this on here.



LOVE!

I win.

Not too long ago I defeated (yes, defeated) my mate Robin in a game on Fifa 11.

He as Spain, and I as Germany,

Germany 2, Spain 1.

Oh the achievement.

I am king.

Done.

Scott Pilgrim VS the World.

for lack of a better word...awesome!

Drake - Best I Ever Had (Live at Axe Lounge)

Drake - Intro/Money To Blow (Live at Axe Lounge)

Liz Lee singing 'The Funeral" on My Life as Liz

the Today show

...is being broadcasted from across the road from my place right now hahaha (well, the weather segments anyway)

Rugrats, the movie.

I was trying to sleep just then, i've taken some sleeping tablets and all but . . .

When I laid down, for some reason I thought of those clever openings to every Rugrats episode. Remember Rugrats??? You know, where it would start of zoomed into something, then you'd try figure out what it was, and then it would zoom out and reveal it, and your guesses would be completely wrong. I used to LOVE it, watched it every morning on Nickelodeon at my cousin's place back when I was in primary school.

So anyway, I got back out of bed turn on my iMac again, opened up Vuze, searched for 'Rugrats the movie" and it is now downloading. If any of you are against peer-2-peer downloading, do take note that a few months ago I did endeavour to find and purchase the movie on dvd, but failed to find it, so what choice do I have? or rather what 'better' choice do I have. Like, 'sif you wouldn't.

As soon as it is complete, i shall be well in touch with my youth.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 (the film)

Loved it, absolutely loved it,

Watched it twice in 3 days, loved it.

Hermione, love her, absolutely.

Reread the remainder of the book right after i watched the film, loved it.

So sad that its coming to an end, so sad.

Hello world...

So its pretty much 4am, I'm listening to Death Cab and suddenly decided to create a Blogger account.


and, yeah.