Words I never said.

We attended the same event,
a long while since we last saw each other,
we barely even said hi,
we did what we had to do,
we were both at the after party,
drinking with everyone else,
Our past unknown to all else but us,
I took a chance,
said I missed you,
even kissed your cheek,
everyone fell asleep,
everyone but me,
I sat out in the cold,
in the silence,
when morning came I saw everyone awake one by one,
you woke up after a night of drinking and barely any sleep,
you still looked amazing, as always,

We didn't speak,
I don't know if you were looking at me when I wasn't looking at you,
I don't know what was going on in your mind,
if anything about us at all.

you had to go to work,
you left,
I watched,

I said I love you,
but not out loud.

then you were gone.

I don't want to,
but I can't help it,


...I'm pushing the world away.

Unhappy.

Yesterday I bought Black Swan on blu-ray. 
Yummy.

Unhappy.

I miss my parents.

Unhappy.

I need you so much closerrrrrrr...

un-fuckin'-happy.

I guess its like already being thrown to the ground by many, everyday things... Then being kicked several times...then having your wallet stolen.

Yep, something like that.

Little did I know . . .


. . .


. . . fuck the world.

fave song from Disney's Aladdin.

Riff-raff, street rat.
I don't buy that.
If only they'd
Look closerrrrrr.

Would they
See a poor boy?
No sireeeeeeeee.
They'd find ooooout
There's soooo much
More tooooo meeeeeeee.

... But that first cut is the deepest.

When I finish this... Whats next?
The same feelings?
Just a different environment?
Just a different age?
A new place?
A different occupation?
New friends I can't talk to?
New people to lie to?
A new bed to lay sleepless in?
New girls? New meaningless relationships?
More nameless sex?
More comparing?
More disappointment in realisations?
More finding that 'she' is no you?
More being lost?


The same feelings.
The same tears.
The same dreams.

How do you prepare for such a future. how do you cope with such a present.
Is there reason? Purpose? Meaning? Matter?... A resolution?... A happy ending?

Or is that reality too far gone?

Youth in Revolt,


love it.

why the fuck isn't this working?!

I've been trying so hard these past few weeks. Trying not to say your name out loud, hoping that by avoiding to do so, things would somehow be easier, somehow make things change. Weeks of silence now.

It now seems that the reason why i've been able to avoid for this long, is because i o longer have anyone to really talk to about you.

Every fuckin' day.

Perhaps this is just how it is now...
forever, maybe?

Just finish my marketing communications plan for advertising...


47 pages all up.


ahh the relief :)

Unhappy.

Unhappy.